


A Picture Says A Thousands Words (but none of them right)

by 1PB2PB3PB4



Series: Trans Cole Phelps [1]
Category: L.A. Noire
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Other, Outing, Trans Cole, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:08:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26267005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1PB2PB3PB4/pseuds/1PB2PB3PB4
Summary: Just a bunch of words about how slightly clueless, but supportive Stefan might react to Cole being outed as trans.Takes place just after the end of the Fallen Idol case (last case at traffic desk)Part of a longer series (hopefully)
Relationships: Stefan Bekowsky & Cole Phelps
Series: Trans Cole Phelps [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1908370
Kudos: 12





	A Picture Says A Thousands Words (but none of them right)

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah this is utterly self indulgent, so what? *shrugs*
> 
> Please let me know if you see any mistakes.
> 
> Also some of the language is not the most polite/correct, trying to kind of keep in with the game. Stefan doesn't really understand being trans, Cole doesn't necessarily have the vocabulary available, and yeah.
> 
> Also Cole thinks he's being blackmailed, so he makes some offers he might not otherwise have made, not that Stefan takes him up on them.
> 
> Also just general this deals with the Fallen Idol case, so implied/referenced non-con and general skeeviness

Stefan hadn’t liked the look of Hopgood, and he hadn’t liked that Earle had just swept in and got the man off scot free. Informant or not, the man was nothing but a scumbag and a creep, and he couldn’t help but feel like there was something he’d missed.

So he went back there, after Cole had left the precinct, gone looking for some more film, maybe something that could actually make this stick.

He hadn’t expected what he’d found though. See, him and Cole had really only checked for the film on the couch, but Stefan was feeling desperate and decided to check the other camera.

When he’d seen them, Hopgood had smirked, and Stefan had seen red.

“Guess I’m really safe now, huh Polack?” and Hopgood had fucking grinned.

Stefan had given up on having a career years ago, not with a name like  _ Bekowsky _ , but Phelps is going places, Phelps could do things for this town.

Cole’s his friend.

“Maybe you give those photos to me and I don’t smash your teeth in and make  _ sure _ you don’t talk,” Stefan hisses, even though the world is going kind of shaky around him. “You say  _ shit _ and I’ll expose your little schemes and cameras here. I’m no Golden Boy, but I’ve been in the force a long time, and I’m owed a few favours. Keep your mouth shut, I’ll do the same with mine?”

Stefan waits for Hopgood to nod before he stops looming over the other man. There’s a buzzing in his ears, and he kicks the man once in the hope it will stop before taking the photos and storming out.

He needs to talk to Cole, he needs- but first he’s going to  _ burn _ these,  _ incinerate them _ . Just holding them is making Stefan feel dirty and wrong, and he doesn’t know what to think about all this. His partner, the golden boy, or maybe not such a boy after all, and none of this makes sense and-

First things first, destroy the photos. Second, have a drink.

Then he can work out how to talk to Cole.

* * *

In the end it’s simple working out how to get to Cole, it’s the next day, and after work when they’re the last two in the office, cleaning up after their last case together when Stefan mentions having found more photos of Hopgood’s.

“What were they?” Cole asks, serious, “not more underaged girls I would hope,” he continues sounding mildly disgusted. God does Stefan agree, Hopgood’s a fucking creep, just as much as Bishop, then again someone like  _ Roy Earle _ wouldn’t care about that, smarmy bastard.

But Stefan doesn’t really know how to say this, and he’s wary about bringing it up in the office anyway- just in case there are still some ears prowling around.

“Not, here,” he says slowly, sighs, “Why don’t we go back to my apartment, have a drink, discuss it there. It’s not- it’s nothing that  _ needs _ to go in a report, well unless you want to, but I really think we should  _ discuss _ it first.” Cole’s getting a slowly suspicious and doubtful look on his face, so he blurts out his trump card to get Cole out of the precinct.

“I don’t have them on me, so shall we go?” Truth be told, Stefan doesn’t have them at his apartment either, because he’d burned the things, their wrongness going up in smoke along with the film.

Because it  _ is  _ wrong, Cole Phelps is a man. The photographs may have disagreed, but now they’re  _ gone _ , and Stefan can almost,  _ almost _ pretend they didn’t exist.

But the images are still scorched into his brain despite him wishing otherwise, and he knows this is something he needs to talk to with Cole.

“Okay, fine Bekowsky, lead the way,” Cole nods, jogging down the stairs to Stefan’s own car.

* * *

  
  


“So what’s this all about Stefan?” Cole asks him once they’ve entered the apartment. Stefan shuts the door, and has to fight the urge to close all the blinds as well, it would be a pointless gesture.

“Hopgood had  _ two _ cameras,” he starts off, “One on the couch-  _ sick fuck _ \- and one at the bathroom. Probably hoping to catch broads with their pants down. Anyway, I thought I’d check for some extra film- just in case there was anything new, or anything we’d missed, dunno maybe it could help overturn Earle’s protection you know?”

Cole nods, but it’s a stiff thing, and it looks like the colour is starting to drain from his face. He takes an almost imperceptible step towards the door.

Stefan doesn’t want to say this next bit, but it’s now or never so he blurts it all out.

“Hopgood had pictures of you using the facilities,” he says in a rush, feeling deeply uncomfortable as he does so, “I saw the pictures.”

If his partner (soon to be ex) had looked uncomfortable before now he’s completely frozen up.

“Don’t worry!” he tacks on, “I burnt them, Leary never has to know! I just thought we should…  _ talk _ about it…”

It’s silent and neither of them say anything.

“So you’re,” Stefan breaks off, waves, “down there, like a broad?”

“That’s, one way of putting it,” Cole says stilted,

“But you were in the army!” Stefan says desperately, trying to make sense of all of this, now when  ~~ Cole’s  ~~ Phelp’s got all of his clothes on he looks just like he always does, and Stefan's mind is rebelling against this new information.

“Yeah, Yeah I was Bekowsky,” Cole responds, jaw clenched and his eyes are focused on a spot somewhere over Stefan’s own shoulder.

“So- but how? Surely-” He splutters, trying to work it out. Eventually Cole takes pity on him.

“I look healthy enough,  _ normal _ enough. It’s not like they really want a man to take his shorts off when you’ve got a queue twenty, thirty, men long.” A pause, and Stefan can see that Cole is still standing completely rigid, still not looking him in the eye.

“I know all the tricks. Trick one, don’t get attached, don’t let anyone get to know you. And maybe they think you’re a bastard, but at least they’re not gonna think you’re a  _ bitch _ .”

“Heyyy,” Stefan says with a lightness he doesn’t really feel, too much to take on and his mind is still spinning. “Don’t speak about the broads like that. Definitely don’t let my mother or sister hear you say that word.”

  
  


Cole doesn’t respond, just keeps staring, and Stefan himself doesn’t know what to say to break the silence.

They stand there awkwardly, and Stefan still wants an explanation- but an explanation of  _ what _ ?

Stefan’s eyes are roving all over Cole, and that’s why he immediately notices it when the other man-  _ woman?-  _ **man** it’s too confusing otherwise- finally drags his eyes back up to meet his own.

It’s in a deeply measured voice that Phelps finally speaks to him once more.

“So what do you want from me Bekowsky? You’ve gotta want something, why else wait this long.” Here he hears Phelps let out a mirthless chuckle.

Stefan stands there, mouth open slightly, and still feeling unsure, what  _ does  _ he want? To know- what-how- why- what? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to work it all out in his head.

Cole’s not a broad, he’s not, he certainly doesn’t  _ feel _ like a broad when he’s out in a bar with Stefan and they’re taking the piss out of Roy Earle. But he’s got the body of one. He stands, trying to work out what’s going on in his mind, and this time he’s the one who drops his eyes while Cole’s keep boring into his.

  
  


“I like this job,” Cole says slowly, “and I’m very grateful that so far you’ve allowed me to keep it- but I’d like for it to stay that way- or at the very least find a similar one in another town- so if you could tell me what it is you want Bekowsky-” here Cole shrugs off his jacket and pointedly adjusts-  _ loosens _ \- his tie a little, jaw clenched, and he can still feel Phelps’ eyes on his face even if they’re beginning to look a little glassy “-then I’d be very much obliged, and maybe you will be too. I’m sure we can come to a mutually beneficial arrangement.”

“Why d’you,” here Stefan gestures loosely at Cole’s person, his tongue coming unstuck at last, “it seems like a lot of effort,” he settles on, though it’s not really what he wants to say.

Cole sighs, but even that sounds like a controlled thing and he’s standing so rigid that Stefan feels the ache in his  _ own _ body just looking at his partner.

“You wake up every morning Bekowksy and you know you’re a man? Or I don’t know, I guess maybe you don’t think about it that much. Same here, and sure when I go to piss I’m reminded that I’m not like you maybe. But I’m a man, even if I’ve had to create myself piece by piece.”

Stefan nods a little, because that makes sense- kind of. Phelps is a man, even if maybe he’s not, but if Phelps is gonna say that he’s a man then Stefan is too, because to think of Cole as a  _ woman _ \- it’s just wrong. The LAPD’s golden boy, Shakespearean nerd, Stefan’s very own overly intense protege. This is what Cole is, and it’s what Stefan wants to cling to because it’s safe.

“You still haven’t told me what you  _ want, _ Bekowsky,” Cole says, interrupting the silence. He’s taken a few steps towards Stefan without him noticing somehow, and he mentally startles at the sudden proximity, and startles again when he notices Cole’s almost completely loosened his tie.

“Calling me over here at night, being my knight in shining armour. You’ve got to want  _ something  _ out of me.” There’s a pause in which Stefa feels Cole’s eyes sweep over his face before taking a step back. “So why don’t you just hurry up and tell me what it is? I can try and spin the case reports if you want, try and get more of the attention on you, but it’s going to be hard now that Leary’s latched onto me as some kind of  _ role model  _ and with this promotion coming up.”

Stefan shakes his head wordlessly, because  _ sure,  _ it rankles that Phelps gets  _ all _ the attention for their  _ shared _ cases sometimes. And yeah, it rankles that it had taken Cole barely five minutes to rise up to Traffic (and now about to rise out of it) when it had taken Stefan  _ years _ and countless “Polack”  _ jokes _ .

But thing is, Stefan’s case book had never looked so good until Cole came along. Yeah he’d been good, but Cole is fast, and  _ astute _ in a way that Stefan hadn’t been. Cole may be his protege but Stefan sure as hell is learning a lot from him.

Thing is, Cole’s his partner, and partners don’t kick the legs out from each other, or steal each other’s fame. They’re police officers, and god knows how much accurate paperwork means to Cole and he doesn't want to ask him to lie in it.

Thing is, Cole’s his  _ friend _ , and friends don’t ask for shit from each- no that’s not right. Friend’s don’t ask for shit like  _ this _ for each other. Friends don’t cut off each other’s legs because they look like they’re trying to run. Friends don’t twist each other’s arms until they give up everything because they can’t cry uncle.

Rats like  _ Earle _ , do shit like this, and Stefan may be a few things he’d rather not, but he swore to himself the first time he set eyes on the Vice cop that he would  _ never _ wind up like Earle.

Stefan doesn’t know what he wants from Cole, from Phelps, and he doesn’t really know how he feels or what to think. But what he does know is that he never wants to take anything from Cole that Cole doesn’t want to give. 

Cole strikes him as ~~a man?~~ a _man_ , who’s good at giving pieces of himself away and Stefan’s terrified that if he takes one the whole tableau of the man will shatter.

Cole’s too fucking good , and Stefan sees it every time he looks at the man.

He must be taking too long to reply though because Cole’s talking again, sounding for all the world like he’s utterly confident, but his hands are flat and rigid by his side, and his body is still so tightly wound that Stefan can almost feel the strain himself.

  
  


“Money then? Is that what you want, because I know everyone seems to think I’m some kind of big shot, but I don’t know how much influence I really have to spread around.”

Stefan shakes his head slowly, because Phelps has a wife and kids, and Stefan’s doing fine- and what kind of man extorts money from his  _ partner _ anyway?

He doesn’t need  ~~ want ~~ money for this, he just wants to understand, he just wants to pretend this all never happened, but he can’t, because he knows, and the images are in his brain and he still doesn’t quite  _ get  _ it.

What he does get is that somehow Phelps is possibly the best friend he has, even though they’ve only known each other a few months. And though thinking of a man having anything less than all the expected parts feels odd, thinking of Cole as anything less than a man feels  _ wrong _ .

Cole nods, as if he expected this, and the calm, expressionless look on Cole’s face that feels so utterly wrong and makes Stefan’s skin crawl seems to grow.

Next thing he knows Cole’s tie has fluttered down to the floor and his partner is slowly working on the buttons of his shirt.

“Bedroom? Couch?” Cole says in that horrible, toneless, empty, voice.

Stefan doesn’t get it for a good long while, and then it hits him like a freezing bucket of ice.

Cole thinks he  _ wants _ \- Cole thinks he’s gonna- Cole thinks he  _ would _ -

“I’m not a-” he chokes out, unsure of what to say, what he wants to say.

“I never said you were,” Cole tells him placatingly, and now all the buttons are undone on his shirt. “It can stay just between us after all, and you’ve seen me-” Cole breaks off, and for the first time a hint of emotion enters his voice, to Stefan it sounds like a note of fear. “- down there.”

“You get what you want, I get what I want, we’re all good, LAPD continues as usual,” Cole tells him, and his voice is back to being toneless and flat.

Stefan’s heard that fear though, and he feels  _ sick _ .

He can only imagine how Cole feels.

“ **_No._ ** ” He spits out, fast and urgent, he wants this to stop, needs this to stop.

“I don’t- I don’t want  _ anything _ from you Cole okay?” He rubs his face, and turns his back as his eyes catch sight of two prominent scars running along Cole’s chest.

“Your my- I don’t  _ get _ it. So you’re a man- but the pictures said you’re not? But you  _ are,  _ that’s what my brain tells me, and I-, I think I need to think. You’re my friend Co- you’re my partner, okay?”

It’s all a mess in Stefan’s head, and he can’t  _ think _ , mind just running over what he thinks Cole was about to offer up.

“I destroyed the photographs so that no one else would know okay? Partners are meant to look out for each other.”

Stefan turns back around, and judging by the look on his face Cole doesn’t seem particularly convinced, but at least his shirt is done back up and his tie is starting to wrap its way back around his neck, albeit with shaking hands.

Stefan would offer to help, but he feels like it would be a bad time.

“I don’t want anything from you Cole,” he says again, “But I think we need to talk. I just don’t know what it is that I want you to say.”

  
  


That being said he finally goes to flop down on the couch, and slowly, hesitantly, but eventually Cole moves over to join him, keeping his distance, and still eying him warily, but there’s finally  _ something _ that looks like actual emotion on his partner’s face.

“So you’re not going to tell Leary- or Donnelly?” Cole asks him suspiciously, and he’s  _ said that _ , but he can’t blame the man for wanting to cover his bases.

He shakes his head, “No Cole, I’m not. ‘M never gonna do something to hurt you.” he mutters the second part more quietly, “ Frankly I’d want to forget this, but I can’t, and I think we need to talk before it all blows up.”

  
  


They’re quiet for a bit, as Cole seems to process, and Stefan tries to wrangle his thoughts into some semblance of order so he can work out what it is that he even  _ wants _ to say.

“Why _ Cole _ ?” he settles on eventually, it seems safe, it’s not what he really wants to know, but maybe it'll be enough to get the ball rolling.

“Why  _ Stefan _ ?” his partner shoots back though, and he seems more relaxed, but Stefan can still see his feet planted firmly on the floor as if ready to run, still at the other end of the couch out of arm's reach.

“I- what, my parents picked it? What, but you- surely, I-” He feels wrong footed, and he still doesn’t  _ get _ any of this. He’d planned to share desks with Cole for much of the rest of his career  ~~ or at least as long as Cole was on traffic ~~ , and as much as he’d like to, this isn’t something Stefan can let his brain ignore. Not if he wants to stay partners-(not that that’s going to happen anyway)  _ friends _ .

“Same here. I asked, they obliged. My father was always real good about it, to be honest so was my mother, she just worried and when I was younger I didn’t really appreciate that- or why.”

“But I thought you were, well,  _ estranged _ from your parents?” Stefan asks honestly, because he had. Cole had always been slightly shift on the parents front, and while Stefan would get calls or go over to see all of his family Cole always seemed to deflect.

Stefan had drawn his own conclusions which had only been strengthened by… well this.

“ _ I’m _ not,  _ Marie _ is. She can’t step foot there without everything coming down around both our ears,” Cole tells him, laughing a little bitterly, “besides, everyone knows my parents’  _ daughter _ left town in a bit of scandal and has never come back. Tongues would wag if a young man came trooping back too often.”

“Marie…” Stefan hears him say distantly, grasps himself to pull him back into the now. It’s a lot to process and all his preconceived notions are being changed. “What does  _ she _ think of this?- Does she even  _ know? _ ”

“We’re  _ married, Stefan _ .” Cole bites back, which, maybe it was a stupid question. But it still makes no sense in his head.

  
  


“Yeah,... but how  _ does _ your wife feel about-” Stefan waves a hand to encompass Cole, “all this…”

“She was happier before the war- it changed me- and before I got these scars on my chest. We were too young when we fell in love, and afterwards? I think we both just wanted the safety.”

“Oh, so she knew you were…” Stefan drifts off, not knowing the words,  _ different _ springs to mind, but that’s not right. Because Cole is  _ different _ in so many ways. Stefan doesn’t want different to just mean… this.

“Yes Stefan, as I said we’re from the same town. We weren’t  _ friends _ or anything when we were young, but we knew each other. She knew, I don’t know. Maybe that was the problem.” Cole sighs again, and for a brief fleeting moment Stefan wants to reach out to comfort him.

His blood freezes- does he only want to do that because he thinks Cole is a  _ broad? _ Cole’s no broad, but fellas don’t go around  ~~ they don’t ~~ -.

  
  


“Your kids?” He asks desperately, to get this back onto safer ground. Besides, he wants to know anyway.

“ _ Technically _ speaking,” Cole looks kind of uncomfortable all of a sudden, but he continues nevertheless, “if we’re being technical about it they’re my nieces. But they’re my  _ daughters _ in all the ways that count. And don’t you  _ ever _ fucking tell them, Bekowsky.” Cole’s voice goes low and dangerous for the last part, and Stefan fervently nods, trying to convey just how much he understands.

He doubts he’ll ever really meet them, but maybe Cole thinks he might? Does this mean that maybe Cole’s starting to trust him maybe?

He thinks of Cole, a man wrapped up in so many secrets and layers, and wonders if this is why. 

Then he chastises himself for being an idiot, because this is  _ obviously _ why.

  
  


“So they don’t know about, you, I’m guessing then?” Stefan asks, just to make sure.

“No, they’re too young. They wouldn’t get it, only a handful of people know anyway. Two of them are dead. So we’ve got Marie, my parents, a handful of doctors- who ought to have forgotten if they know what’s good for them- and now  _ you _ .” Cole tells him, eyes sharp on him once again.

“See, there have only been five people in my life who haven’t wanted anything, or to hold it over me. And they all have- had- something in common. So forgive me if I’m still slightly suspicious as to why you haven’t told anyone yet, and you don’t seem to want  _ anything _ in return.”

  
  


Stefan  _ does _ want something, he wants lots of somethings- some of them even from Cole. But all he really wants is to keep working as partners, trudging their way through the cases. Cases with Cole somehow seem to break through the drudgery, even when working traffic.

But the degree to which he  _ doesn’t _ want to ever  _ take _ something from Cole, far, far outweighs any desire he might have to ask Cole to give something. He’s still not sure if he’s more hurt or horrified at whatever had been going through Cole’s head when he stared just over Stefan’s shoulder and asked him what he wanted from him. Cole deserves this promotion.

As much as he never wants to bring it up again, he has to know, has to know why Cole thinks he ever would- ever  _ could _ \- ask that of him.

“You asked me what I wanted from you,” Stefan says slowly, “Why did you think I’d ever...” He trails off, not wanting to say it, to put the thought to words. Cole seems to know what he’d meant though.

“I’ve seen how you look at me,” Cole shrugs and though he looks far more relaxed there’s still a core of tension in it, “I recognise that look.”

And that, that, well. 

Stefan doesn’t know what to make of that, he feels wrong footed.

He’s not- he doesn’t- does he?  _ Recognise _ it?

He’s not sure what emotions are playing over his face, but Cole seems to see something in it, because the man slumps back and  _ finally _ seems to relax at last.

“Huh, I guess I better make that five into a six.” Cole says thoughtfully, but doesn’t elaborate further.

“You’re my  _ friend _ Cole,” Stefan says at last, his brain sliding back into place, “That’s why I burned the photos, and I thought you should know, because Hopgood won’t talk if he knows what’s good for him, but I can’t  _ guarantee _ that he does.”

“All I wanted was to keep working cases with you, but you’ve inevitably been promoted out- because you’re a stupidly good detective, and forget about this. Except I can’t do the second, so I guess we’re just going to have to focus on the first- staying friends at least. Make the most of our last week together hah.”

  
  


Cole stands up suddenly, “I should call Marie, the buses will have stopped, she’ll want to know where I am.”

Stefan looks out the window and sees darkness, it’s a long walk to the Phelps residence he knows, and not one  _ he’d _ want to make at this time of night, that’s for certain.

“You don’t have to go, you could stay over for the night. We work in the same place anyway.” He tells Cole, offering up his couch like a friend would, especially after  _ tonight’s _ conversation.

He’s rewarded with a small smile, but Cole shakes his head.

“Us arriving together with me in yesterday’s rumpled suit Stefan? People will talk. Talk’s dangerous- even  _ if _ it’s wrong.” Cole places his hand on Stefan’s shoulder, “I’m looking out for you here partner.”

“At least let me drive you home?” Stefan offers up- a conciliatory prize instead.

“Sure, your driving’s better than mine anyway Bekowsky,” Cole agrees easily.

And that’s good, Stefan knows how to play  _ this  _ game, “Like that’s  _ hard _ , your daughters would probably be better drivers than  _ you _ , hell a  _ blind _ man could do better I’m sure. At least he’d stay in a straight line,” Stefan tells him boisterously as he goes to fetch his keys and jacket.

  
  


And suddenly everything is back to normal, Phelps and Bekowsky, Stefan and Cole, partners  _ against _ crime, traffic cops, and sharing digs over driving.

  
~~ If anything any  _ feelings _ are different Stefan can just ignore them after all. ~~

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think! Working on a follow up from Cole's POV about his life until around joining the LAPD.


End file.
